I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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