just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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