the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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