And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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