i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
