My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
