It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
