what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
