tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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