Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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