Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
