She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
