so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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