i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize