I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
