I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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