Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
