out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
