Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just pee around me
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
