I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
