Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
