There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we're making bets on your personal life
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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