the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
