Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
