Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
