I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize