Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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