I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
smell my finger.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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