So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
