you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
