Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
