I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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