took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
