flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Shame - the story of my life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
