So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
