Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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