i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
