he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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