apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
