do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
