You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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