K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
