Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
