My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize