omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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