my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
