I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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