I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
