I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
