I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
