my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
