dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
