U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
