Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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