so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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