matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
