My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Couch. On fire.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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