My room smells like vodka and shame
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
