So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
