I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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