i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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