So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
