Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
