I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
