Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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