It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
