grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
