apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
