Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
