Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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