Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
