I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
