now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
