Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
