so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
