He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
ttyl tear gas
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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