You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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