a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
