Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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