That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I checked into jail on foursquare
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
