He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
